Three Year Re-Birth Day

Without apologies to my readers, I'd like to mention that this is the three year anniversary (March 9) of the day something profound happened to me psychologically/spiritually. Call it "recovery," salvation, enlightenment, re-birth, raised Kundalini, a nervous breakup, or whatever.

To quickly rehash what you would've seen if you had watched over my shoulder that week: On Tuesday night I couldn't sleep because of a thunderstorm. I ate a small dinner Tuesday before the sleepless night. Wednesday I didn't eat or sleep (neighbors upstairs were partying and pissing off the balcony). Thursday I ate a handful of almonds and went to the bowling alley and freaked out, followed a light-in-the-sky machine to the grand opening of a Kroger and wandered around until I told an employee there, profoundly, "I think I'm... LOST." I didn't sleep that night either (I lay perfectly still on my back in bed all night as I remember it, looking at a star out the window that I took to be the star that received the soul of the Pharoahs). By Friday morning, though I was strung out from not sleeping and eating, I resolved to drive home to Michigan with my then-fiancee without letting her drive. In negotiating that madness, I demanded that my future-wife speak to me only using the collective pronoun "We," avoiding the use of "You" and "I," which I could not distinguish at the time. I made it 4 hrs. and 15 minutes into the five hour drive before I pulled over and told her I could go no further. [note: I added it all up once: I went 84 hours without sleep and with probably 3o calories, without "trying" to do so.]

That night, at dinner with my family, I "knew" that it was to be my last supper -- that I would die that night, sleeping in my brother's old bedroom, when the oak tree in the front yard fell on the house. But during dinner, I could sense that my brother, mother, and father were just somehow sharing a single personality, and I simply watched it hop back and forth from one body to another. After dinner I told my mom I was "hearing voices, sort of," and told my dad I had been smoking pot a lot and everything seemed... "inside out, or something." They responded seriously, as I remember it, but I can't recall their words. Then I watched a show about pomegranates, tucked my wife in to my old bedroom (my parents weren't letting us sleep together in their house until we were married), and went to my brother's bedroom, prepared to die. And I fell asleep. In the morning on March 10th, I confessed a few sins, walked a few miles with my dad, inquiring along the way about all of his family members. I felt like I had a new body.

And I've been perfectly unperturbed since then by anything wild or preternatural or even bizarre. Thank G-d.

No comments: