So I was trying to explain to some Christians the other day that they had it all wrong. Here's how it went:
I said, "I talk about what 'G-d' has shown me, but you do what your parents and tradition have told you to do."

They said, "We do what Jesus told us to do."

I said, "If you really followed Jesus, you would do the same things that he did. All I have ever done is to tell you the truth I heard straight from G-d, yet you are trying to crush my spirit. Jesus did nothing like this to anyone! You are doing what your parents and tradition have told you to do."

They said, "God [they used that word as his name] himself is the only one who tells us what to do, and we are his true followers."

I said, "If G-d really were your Father, you would love me, because I came from G-d and now I am here. I did not come on my own authority, but he sent me. Why do you not understand what I say? It is because you cannot bear to listen to my message. You are the children of your parents, of lies, and you want to follow tradition. Those of you who know what G-d is will listen to the words I speak. You, however, are not from G-d, and that is why you will not listen."
Then everybody took a deep breath and a drink of Diet Cola and the conversation continued.
They asked me, "Were we wrong in saying that you are no prince or king, and that you are probably insane?"

I said, "I am not insane. I honor G-d, but you dishonor me. I am not seeking honor for me. But there is One who is seeking it and who judges in my favor. I am telling you the truth: whoever concurs with what I say and acts accordingly will never die."

They said, "WHAT!?! -- did you just say we'd never die!?! Now we know for sure you are insane. Moses and Abraham died, and only Jesus didn't die, yet you say that whoever obeys you will never die? Who do you think you are?"

I answered, "If I were to honor myself, that honor would be worth nothing. The One who honors me is my G-d -- the very One you say is your God. You have never known what you mean when you say 'God,' but I know the reality that is G-d. If I were to say that I do not know G-d, I would be lying like you. But I do know it, and I obey what it teaches me. Even Jesus rejoiced that he was to see the time of my coming; he saw it and was glad."

They said to me, "You were born in 1978; how could you know what Jesus saw?"

Then I decided, what the hell, and said, "I am telling you the truth. Before Jesus was born, 'I Am.' "
Then they went to get their pickup trucks and shotguns, but I ran away and left before they returned.

Of course, all of this is a parable. None of it ever happened. But if it did, it would be spectacular. Also, I plagiarized all of this straight out of the gospel of John. Check it out, verses 8:37-59. Also I sort of changed/updated the situation.

This is my next little blog-project. I want to find ways of eliciting reactions similar to those Jesus elicited. If a person taught the same things he taught, including saying things like, "Aw, hell with what's in the Bible," I wonder what would happen.

1 comment:

Casey said...

Of course, that person would also have to say "I'm not here to do away with a single letter of the Bible."