And yet, I look around and see vast inequalities in verbal and written ability. It is true that the historically unregulated field of language has produced a few giants -- poets, orators, and philosophers have mastered the tool of communication; but they constitute a tiny minority. Most human beings wallow from day to day, scraping by on the same 3,000 words, overmatched by the tremendous energy and pace of the dynamic, ever-changing system of language. A large majority of people suffer the ongoing injustice of an unregulated langage quietly, precisely because they do not have the tools to express their outrage effectively.
It's time to begin the revolution. All men and women are brothers and sisters -- that fact is self-evident. Consequently, it would prove a universal benefit to bring the unregulated, shifting structures of language under the control of reason and into the circle of human sympathy, that all may share in the benefits of communication equally. I propose ten solutions:
- Abolition of copyright laws on linguistic productions, and the application of all linguistic invention to public purposes.
- A heavy or progressive tax on those who insist on using new language [new language being that which is not described in Strunk & White].
- Abolition of all right to inherit interesting verbal or written ideocynracies from parents or other extended family.
- Immigrants shall be forbidden to use their native languages.
- Changes in usage, semantics, and other linguistic categories will be under the sole authority of the state.
- Centralization of the means of communication--telephone, texting, email, etc.--in the hands of the state.
- Extension of state-owned literary projects, the renewal of awkward and aging linguistic structures, and the improvement of grammar in general in accordance with a common plan.
- Equal obligation of all to remain silent (8-10 hours per day). Establishment of linguistic armies, especially for teaching Strunk & White.
- Combination of grammar lessons with state-owned literary projects; gradual abolition of all the distinction between regional dialects.
- Combination of education with efforts to stabilize national language. Abolition of genre known as children's books. Free copy of Strunk & White for all children.